Lanny's Blog

"Long and steep is the road out of Hell."

2011-06-21T19:39:00.001-07:00

So it was been a while since last I posted anything to this site... Or even thought about posting anything. Now, as I sit here, posting from my new apartment., I can't help but feel a sense of wonder. Life is a funny thing people. One thing I have learned is nothing new. "Long and steep is the road out of Hell."

I'm not quite there yet... But far enough along the road to finally be able to breath the fresh air of freedom again... Or at least to see the promise of that air on the ever awaiting Horizon.

New Poem (posted by Mel)

2010-02-27T22:44:00.000-08:00

The wind blows in my ethereal dawning.
Clouds roll back revealing the effervescent moon.
Orion, hard to port,
bowstring taut,
arrow poised to fire.
Aimed into the daunting oblivion of tomorrow.
A beacon of bravery and courage standing stalwart in the heavens.

fin

"Amazed..."

2009-04-15T23:29:00.001-07:00

It always baffles how the Universe turn and twists and takes you through at it's own pace. Things happen all according to some repetitive flow that does not wait for us to be ready for it. And yet if you pay attention you begin to expect things that to you are inevitable. Yet, you convince your self that is only fanciful thinking until it occurs. Then you are standing, or in my case sitting, baffled and beguiled by the whole thing. Relatively speaking this Universe and whatever it's eventual plan never ceases to amaze me in the smallest of ways.

"I know not too much to be threatening
But just enough to challenge EVERYTHING."

~L

Dreams...

2009-04-15T17:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I hate waking up. The dream world seems so much better to me than the real world. Of course it does right? All dreams are is your subconscious recycling all those emotions you don't deal with on a day to day basis. So when I dream of a blonde haired blue eyed little girl who once upon a time was my daughter... It is my subconscious refreshing itself for all the loss I will again inevitably feel the next day. And when I dream of a dark haired brown eyed girl playing with that blue eyed baby girl and loving me... It is my subconscious telling me to let go of the past. And if it not that than perhaps it is my mind or spirit or God or whatever telling me that one day I may have my cake and be able to eat it too..

~L

Tired of the rollercoaster...

2009-01-27T23:11:00.000-08:00

No one sees the tears I cry because rarely do I cry.
I hold it all in as they fall within me.
You think me heartless and uncaring.
I will admit to being some what narcissistic but never uncaring.
My life is a series of ups and downs that I ride throwing my hands in the air as if care free.
Quite the contrary.
I am a man broken by his own desire to please.
All the while my feelings go unnoticed and ignored until they explode in a fiery cataclysm of miss spoken pain.
How am I to rememdy this behavior which has become second nature.
My buddha nature long gone and invariably destroyed.
Always trying to mend fences I am better off never trying to rebuild.
Such is the nature of my madness.
So be it I say.
The imaginary gun held to my head.
The metaphorical knife dancing gleefully over my exposed heart.
But you look right through me, past me and never notice the tears I am crying for you.
And I never cry the tears that are meant for me.
I chose not to wallow in my self pity.
Instead I wallow in your contempt.
Content to be your left overs.
Only to be reheated when you are hungry for what I have to offer.
This is my life.
I am tired.

~L

Friday's Madness.

2009-01-16T08:55:00.000-08:00

Energy transferred mindlessly
A lull comes over the crowd
The hush of complacent conformity blankets freedom in subconscious marshall law
If I could set fire to your perverted illusions on Life, Love
And everything those two imply
The blaze would scorch Heaven itself.

-FIN

I label myself a drunk so brazenly.
Denial has no place in me that I have not placed it directly for Heaven's Sake.
Of all the things I have done and still can do and still will there is little that holds any significance for me,
Save my words.
They are the jewel plucked from my ignorant downfall with open eyes, mind and soul and a heart that is so terribly scarred it looks no longer for love.
Instead a place to comfortably hide from the all too rough hands of it's eventual unfolding catastrophe.
To admit my pain is to be rid of it.
And I am not ready to be rid of it.
I relish and cherish the tormented wisdom it brings me in the long cold dark lonely hours of the night as I toss and turn in my solitary place of slumber.
So, in closing, yes...
I am a drunk.
Self professed.
And yet with my addiction comes these words and these trifles of wisdom that trickle down my cheek with every tear I refuse to shed.
So be it.
Such is my chosen plight.
Why have I chosen this path you may or may not ask...
Yet I will tell you regardless of your inquiry.
And my answer may and probably will change over time.
But for now, this will suffice.
Because my pain and my sorrow are the only thing I have that is real and reveals to me the kind of truth that I can feel whole-heartedly.
Take it for what you will.
I do.

~L

First post of '09.

2009-01-15T01:03:00.001-08:00

Here is a colletion of madness I have written since the beginning of this year...

First, I must give a little background. I started out the new year with Absinthe. YUMMY!!! Me thinky me likey a lot... It tastes a little like Oozo, which is a Greek black licorice tasting intoxicating liquer and maybe a little like Jagermeister. Not for the faint of heart. Now there is a process to this maddeningly intoxicating drink which was outlawed in the U.S. up until recent years.
Step 1: Place a spoon over a serving glass with a sugar cube rested securely in said spoon.
Step 2: Pour shot of Absinthe over sugar cube and into glass.
Step 3: Light sugar cube on fire(It will burn, careful not to singe fingers).
Step 4: Slowly pour water(Or Opium if you have liquid opium available, we didn't, tear)over sugar cube until flame is extinquished.
Step 5: Drink fast.

This is what followed after two shots of Asbinthe.

We shall affectionately call this next passage the Absinthe Diaries.

Let the madness intervene
It's not so maddening to me
Leave my requiem in scattered verse and broken sentences
As I succumb to the esoteric dance within me
Loss of form
Shape-less-ness
A shape shifter
With a line for every occasion
Appropriately fitting and elaborately inconvenient
To your version of the truth
My truth is not exclusive
In that no truth is excluded
Mine is an adaptive all encompassing truth searching for direction
Mind, body, soul
Numbers, stars, faith
It is what it is.
Vini, vidi, vici.
I came, I saw, I conquered.

I rediscovered my trip
More than in one sense
I found a part of my Self
Long missing
Awaiting me patiently
In moderation
My excessive behavior
Finally waining
My decado trifecta
Fast approaching
Holy Hell.

I find myself arguing
With My Self
Have we ventured too far
Into the opposite spectrum
To find peace in any conventional sense?
Now the world itself seems tainted
Flip the pros and cons
Be pro-ventional
Or provential if you will.

Devout
A word that has sadly lost it's meaning
No one believes any longer
While still we lie
Clawing and scratching at the crumbs of truth
After wading through the shit storm of ideals force fed us by hollywood and washington and thier ilk
Belief is easy
Simple and mindless once you forego the mind
Not lose it
Go beyond it
Further into Self
Until Oneness is Real-Eyes'd.

-I know not too much to be threatening.
But just enough to challenge EVERYTHING.

Lanny C. Warhurst Jr.

Religion and Faith as understood by a Spiritual Reject.

2008-12-29T14:20:00.000-08:00

Hard work
Cutting wood for the purpose
Of creating
Divine
Labor brings us closer
To Our Creator
Duel meanings...
To be full of true spirit is to be constantly empty. Emptiness is the key. Hanging on only disrupts the natural ebb and flow of cosmic forthcomings. Bare witness to all the fruits of The One.
Partake
And impart.
Once the glass is gone, it can no longer be full. Yet it is never empty. Throw your desires to the wind and let the Universe yield to you all her accomodations. Realize that everything you require is constantly blooming to sweet fruition.
Mother, Father,
Son and Daughter.
Raised to adulthood
Through experience and
Love.
Lessons learned and lost,
Only to be regained.
Finding Truth in the gentle melody
Of everything.
Oooh,
If I could but show you a glimpse
No more questioning
Ever and Forever
All queitly wrapped in to One
The seeker
Has found a home
May be bare on the outside
Serenity within
I am a shephard with no herd.
A prophet, or teacher perhaps
Is that what I am?
A musician or Poet
Is this All I am?
No hard feelings
I cast off my cloak of approval
And commit to go Unheard
It took several trials to get me this far
I still have strength for more.
Joyously approaching every difficulty
With humilty and love
I have never been One.
To Run.
"Faith is a gift of the spirit that allows the soul to remain attached to it's own unfolding."
-Thomas Moore
"The spirit unfolds itself like a lotus of countless petals."
-Kahlil Gibran
An Essay on faith, by: Lanny C. Warhurst Jr.
Churches I think, need to teach the true meaning of faith and organize lessons, celebrations and faith based parades to heal our world. Not just our country, our world. Indivisable by God. One world. Realize that faith is your intentions anchored and rooted in love. When we express the best through our collective intention, miracles occur. Jesus said, "All things I have done, so to can you."
Through prayer our faith is given a voice. Pray without words. Let your spirit pray. It is the cord that keeps us in a constant state of communion with God. It is the conduit by which our souls are fed and loved. Your soul knows better than you what you need. All we have to do is Eat and Listen. God even speaks to the busy mind. He is the voice telling you be calm and joyful. "Everything will be okay," he says gently.
It is not like talking to yourself, rather listening to your God-self. Realizing the difference between what seems important today and is infinitely more important tomorrow. Not your car or your bills or even the roof over your head. Christ said, "Deny yourself and follow me." Not serve yourself while your brother starves. Open your doors to strangers. Have a conversation with someone of polarizing beliefs and see if you can stay calm.
The purpose of life is to aid one another as we all stumble through this world. You cannot help from behind closed doors. Love thy neighbor and his children. Listen to your own children and see how the seeds you planted have grown. You never know, they may surprise you.
"If your religion doesn't change you, then you had better change your religion."
-Elbert Hubbard
"I am for religion. Against religions."
-Victor Hugo
"I believe in God. Only I spell it Nature."
Frank Lloyd Wright
"Religion with no joy... It is no religion."
Theodore Parker
"Religion is different from everything else; because in religion, Seeking is Finding."
-Willa Cather
"It takes religion to act, prayer to visualize joyful possibilty and faith to wait and know that God answered. No prayer goes unanswered and our faith is the key to our own possibily. Made manifest through our intentions. Ill intention, just like ill tempered attention, brings about confrontation and ill consequences. I cannot express to you how important it is to project possitivity into our lives and the Universe. Good intentions always bare fruit and plenty of it to go around."
-Lanny C. Warhurst Jr.

...Witchy Red...

2008-12-20T08:06:00.000-08:00

"Letters to Katy."

Where to begin.
I listened to this song while watching your slide show.
And all of my suspiscions are confirmed.
You are supernatural.
Like something out of a dream that I imagined and yet never thought possible.
You have wild fire and passion in your eyes veiled in crimson locks.
I find myself simply wanting to witness you.
Experience you.
Not tame you.
For that would go against the very thing I love about you.
Your zest for all things.
Your zeal.
There is a light in you that echoes In forgotten corners of my heart I thought long sense dead Now are showing signs of life reflected in your eyes.
I take a deep breath and there is sweetness in the air of possibilty.
I find myself falling blissfully into the arms of your heart.

Merry Christmas,My Beautiful Irish Katy.

"All I want for Christmas is You."

~L

Observations of a Madman.

2008-12-18T14:43:00.000-08:00

I find myself lost in moments. Passing like I am watching the movie of my life unfold before my eyes. When asked what I'm thinking, I reply, "Nothing."
For it is true. In those moments all thoughts cease. I am literally observing my Self through the eyes of the universe gazing back at itself. In these moments I am Oneness .

"Dismantle Globally,
Think Universally."

~L

Things I wish I could say to my Father.

2008-12-17T04:04:00.001-08:00

I've often wondered what you think of me. If your heart swells with pride as mine does at the very thought of you. I am not a proud young man. Often I am overcome by emotions I cannot express and unlike you I cannot sing my heart so beautifully. Of all my talents, the words I write have more significance to me than I think you realize. It is not in song like yours but it is my way. Your songs hold more sway in who I am than I think even you know. I often find myself humming a tune, or singing lines to friends as I brag about just how amazing a Man you are. I feel sometimes like you don't believe in me though. And I know, I have given you little if no reason to believe in me. There are times when I think of leaving. Heading off to find whatever this world holds for me and yet I stay here. Close to you. I get sad because of this inner desire to make you proud of me and the knowledge that you are proud of me for nothing. I know it may sound silly but I feel unworthy of your respect. It's so rediculous, I've always taken the easy road. Be it by using drugs, or alcohol to numb my pain, my fear and my regret for not doing more with my life. Keep in mind. I do not desire fame and fortune or even real notoriety of any kind. I simply long to be heard, whether it by someone reading my words or hearing my voice. Why? You may ask. What do I think I have that no one else in this world besides a very fortunate few have? Well, I have You. And in my most humble and outspoken of opinions I want to share you with the world. I could write a thousand pages about how great a Man you are. I've read many stories about the great men throughout history. Stories about heroes who overcame seemingly unconquerable odds to dare to be great. And yet, they do not hold a candle to you in my eyes and heart. My one sense of pride is that many of my friends envy me because of you. Because I have a father like you. Someone who at the drop of a hat would do anything he could for me. My biggest failure I feel is that in so many ways I have failed you. Thereby failing myself. For in me are all the things that you could have done and still could do. It is by no accident that I share your name. I know, you gave me your name for a reason and while so far in my life I have not lived up to the gravity of the name we share, I hope one day I will. I feel sometimes that you gave up your dreams for me. That thought kills me but I also believe that in some small way I am your dreams materialized. I wish that I was more than I am. Not for me but for you. To show you what you have done. Again, I don't want riches and fame. I am already a rich man because of you. I am already famous in our small little place in the world because I am your son. And though sometimes I know you too feel like a failure I must protest. You are not a failure. You are my Father. You are the greatest man I have ever known or could hope to know. And if I had one wish it would not be for such passing things as stardome. No, it would be that before my life has run it's course I have told the world about you. That a man like you exists. Who by sacrifice, humility and a love for his family that I cannot give just reward in words lived. And I pray that you have passed these extraordinary qualities of righteousness on to me.

Hank Snow said, "I may not have a lot of gold but I have a little."
But I say, "I do not need a lot of gold. I have my Father."

-Lanny Carol Warhurst Jr.

You Have Your Thought I have Mine.

2008-11-21T14:24:00.000-08:00

Your thought is a tree rooted deep in the soil of tradition and whose branches grow in the power of continuity. My thought is a cloud moving in the space. It turns into drops which, as they fall, form a brook that sings its way into the sea. Then it rises as vapour into the sky. Your thought is a fortress that neither gale nor the lightning can shake. My thought is a tender leaf that sways in every direction and finds pleasure in its swaying. Your thought is an ancient dogma that cannot change you nor can you change it. My thought is new, and it tests me and I test it morn and eve.
You have your thought and I have mine.
Your thought allows you to believe in the unequal contest of the strong against the weak, and in the tricking of the simple by the subtle ones. My thought creates in me the desire to till the earth with my hoe, and harvest the crops with my sickle, and build my home with stones and mortar, and weave my raiment with woollen and linen threads. Your thought urges you to marry wealth and notability. Mine commends self-reliance. Your thought advocates fame and show. Mine counsels me and implores me to cast aside notoriety and treat it like a grain of sand cast upon the shore of eternity. Your thought instils in your heart arrogance and superiority. Mine plants within me love for peace and the desire for independence. Your thought begets dreams of palaces with furniture of sandalwood studded with jewels, and beds made of twisted silk threads. My thought speaks softly in my ears, “Be clean in body and spirit even if you have nowhere to lay your head.” Your thought makes you aspire to titles and offices. Mine exhorts me to humble service.
You have your thought and I have mine.
Your thought is social science, a religious and political dictionary. Mine is simple axiom. Your thought speaks of the beautiful woman, the ugly, the virtuous, the prostitute, the intelligent, and the stupid. Mine sees in every woman a mother, a sister, or a daughter of every man. The subjects of your thought are thieves, criminals, and assassins. Mine declares that thieves are the creatures of monopoly, criminals are the offspring of tyrants, and assassins are akin to the slain. Your thought describes laws, courts, judges, punishments. Mine explains that when man makes a law, he either violates it or obeys it. If there is a basic law, we are all one before it. He who disdains the mean is himself mean. He who vaunts his scorn of the sinful vaunts his disdain of all humanity. Your thought concerns the skilled, the artist, the intellectual, the philosopher, the priest. Mine speaks of the loving and the affectionate, the sincere, the honest, the forthright, the kindly, and the martyr. Your thought advocates Judaism, Brahmanism, Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam. In my thought there is only one universal religion, whose varied paths are but the fingers of the loving hand of the Supreme Being. In your thought there are the rich, the poor, and the beggared. My thought holds that there are no riches but life; that we are all beggars, and no benefactor exists save life herself.
You have your thought and I have mine.
According to your thought, the greatness of nations lies in their politics, their parties, their conferences, their alliances and treaties. But mine proclaims that the importance of nations lies in work – work in the field, work in the vineyards, work with the loom, work in the tannery, work in the quarry, work in the timberyard, work in the office and in the press. Your thought holds that the glory of the nations is in their heroes. It sings the praises of Rameses, Alexander, Caesar, Hannibal, and Napoleon. But mine claims that the real heroes are Confucius, Lao-Tse, Socrates, Plato, Abi Taleb, El Gazali, Jalal Ed-din-el Roumy, Copernicus, and Pasteur. Your thought sees power in armies, cannons, battleships, submarines, aeroplanes, and poison gas. But mine asserts that power lies in reason, resolution, and truth. No matter how long the tyrant endures, he will be the loser at the end. Your thought differentiates between pragmatist and idealist, between the part and the whole, between the mystic and materialist. Mine realizes that life is one and its weights, measures and tables do not coincide with your weights, measures and tables. He whom you suppose an idealist may be a practical man.
You have your thought and I have mine.
Your thought is interested in ruins and museums, mummies and petrified objects. But mine hovers in the ever-renewed haze and clouds. Your thought is enthroned on skulls. Since you take pride in it, you glorify it too. My thought wanders in the obscure and distant valleys. Your thought trumpets while you dance. Mine prefers the anguish of death to your music and dancing. Your thought is the thought of gossip and false pleasure. Mine is the thought of him who is lost in his own country, of the alien in his own nation, of the solitary among his kinfolk and friends.
You have your thought and I have mine.

~Kahlil Gibran

Now I wish I could confess to writing this myself. But alas it is not mine. Funny thing about words like this is, I am not even sure they were his. And the brilliance and beauty of he that wrote them would not be so vane as to possess such words. The best words I have ever written feel as if I my Self did not write them. And as I read these, written before I or anyone I know was born, they touch the deepest depths of my soul as I realize I still have a lot of work to do.

Sigh of relief... No one has to die.

2008-11-20T13:14:00.000-08:00

So I just talked to Truly(that's my baby-mama) and it seems all my worry was for naught. Which is good. Now it is time for me to sit and wait for my impending interview. Impending, it sounds so foreboading when I put it that way, don't it? Well, the good news is that they called me even though my criminal background is somewhat, hmmm what's the word? Spotty? Sure, we'll go with that. Now the only thing is will they overlook the fact that I have long hair? Who knows...? So I send this shout out to all you blog-fiends and miscreants, with much love. Give me your energy and your positive reinforcement. I need this job.
Now I must admit. I hate, hate, hate, working for anyone else but there are more things than just my self to consider... That's right, I just referred to my self as a thing. I've done worse. I would SO much rather be a writer or a poet. Ok, well to be honest I am already both. I would just like to get paid for it. Once thoughts of being a rock-star proliferated this young and ample mind but those are now in the background. Not the far background. But the background none-the-less.
Don't get me wrong. I still love to sing and write and play music with those that I love. And I must admit to being some what of a karaoke whore. I just don't know that anything I have to sing is meant for mass consumption.
I KNOW...! (said with a hint of sarcasm and contempt) Who do I think I am, right? Well, I am me. Never plain and never simple. Just overflowing with mad-insane-tastic brilliance that I am unsure the rest of the sleeping world is ready for. So we start out here. With this little piece of my soul that I share with the universe of ones and zeroes. Content to ask all of you if you think I am a ONE or a ZERO? Keep in mind that while I enjoy other peoples opinions of me, they do not by any means definie me. They never have, they never will. Take it or leave it the fuck alone. I care not. It is what it is, and maybe something more to me.
Then again just so all of you would be readers do not think I am bearing my soul to you here. I may just be using this as a way to bullshit my way into your lives. I haven't decided yet. Mwah ah ah...

And now although highly objected to by my best friend and cousin Mel, here is a piece of truth, from me to you.

"Keep in mind, all that lies herein are ideas, perceptional reality put to paper.
Nothing you have read up to or will read within in finite.
These opinions and observations are meant to be explored."

~LCW Jr. (FYI<----- That's me.)

Morning sunshine...

2008-11-20T10:33:00.000-08:00

Still no word from the baby-mama drama side of the universe and while I realize my sentiments may seem a bit insensitive I have lost the ability to care. I find that while trying to conceal the truth of how one feels, no matter insensitive, I lose the genuine intention of self. My self. And be it cold, brash, rude, or just plain bastard behavior... I can't seem to give a damn at this moment in time. That's right folks... Lock up your daughters and run for the hills the asshole that is me is making his fearless return.
Have you missed me? I sure as shite have.

Sure to be more later. RAWR!!!

Rage, suspiscion, grrr!!!

2008-11-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

It would seem all too fitting that my first post would be about such things. So my babies mother(baby-mama)is back to talking to her X. Who is a complete douche-bag. She went and got a DV(that's domestic violence) against him and had my family and I help her move out of his apartment. Things have been going pretty well. Her and I have been talking and cordial with each other, more than just corddial, we've been pretty good. Better than we have been for years. And of course, this makes me hopeful of a possible future. My Achilles heart. This will become more evident to those who read my shite in time.
And now, not even 2 and 1/2 months later she is back talking to him again and being shady with me... Grrrr!!! The problem is that once shady things begin to occur my mind scares up all manner of atrocities and betrayals that are being done to me behind my back. The thing is, our daughter is involved too. She pulls the card that his daughters miss my daughter and so does he, blah, blah, blah... Well you should've thought about that dumbass-douche-bag-little-dicked-mother-fucka!!! I'm sorry(Well not really). But I have NO, absolutely NONE, sympathy for anyone who yells and screams and causes a ruckus with MY baby-mama while MY daughter is around.
As far as I am concerned, he does not deserve to know MY daughter. I know right, possessive much? When it comes to MY daughter you are Gawd-damn right. So right now, my mind is doing it's racy racy crazy crazy and I am pissed. Inevitably I will, or better(Grrrr)talk to her tomorrow and get her explanation for avoiding me. Hopefully my crazy will be tuned down by then and I can believe her. But seriously... I am close to being on my last nerve... I do not deal with hurt and heart-ache well. Ask anyone who knows me, well figuratively. I either go into RAGE mode or RUN mode. Call it a product of a fuct up past. But there it is. My first post. Not about flowers and fluffy bunnies. About rage and anger. Cut down the fucking flower and KILL the bunny, mwah ah ah... Had to end with something that at least made ME laugh...

Peace,

fer now... (to be continued)

~L

Start Post

2008-11-09T17:54:00.001-08:00

...so I can see what my blog will look like with a post.

How about a picture? This is my daughter, her mother and I. Once upon a time.

Or another one? Here I am in some strange way trying to show off and rekindle sparks of my youth. FAIL!!!
Or... a video!!! I believe this is self explanatory. If not... Please feel free to get up, turn face to face with the nearest wall, and slam head repeatedly until unconsciousness occurs. Enjoy!